The following is a journal entry from July 3rd, 2014:
"Surely there is a reason why I continue to fail miserably at making a Canadian team. Surely all of this sadness, pain, frustration and bitterness is leading to something greater for me.. Something that would make all of this f****** bulls*** that I have endured over the past three years worth it. Year after year now, this is becoming an increasingly more difficult pill to swallow. Is there even a point anymore? Why put so much time and energy into breaking through to the next level only to fall short every time. Will I ever be good enough, or is being a world-class athlete just not in the cards for me? Am I not working hard enough? Do I not want it bad enough? What do I need to change? Why do I continue to fail? I’m so, SO tired of feeling this way. I’m taking no prisoners from here on out. Literally everything that I do needs to be with increased purpose. I just need to be better and do better. I just need to keep pushing. I just need to believe that this will all have been for a reason….."
Whew – it’s hard to not get emotional reading that over let alone typing it out. For the past three years I have failed at my attempts to make a national team. Each year it stings a little more than the one before. As expressed in the journal entry, last year was a bit of breaking point. I was frustrated. I was tired of feeling inadequate. I have always known that experience at a high-calibre, international competition was what I needed to help me move forward in my athletic journey, but no matter how hard I worked, I continued to fail time after time. I started to wonder if I would ever get to represent my country on the world stage.
I’m so happy that I didn’t let the demons in my head convince me that I’d never be good enough. I’m so happy that I drowned my all-consuming doubts with the love and encouragement of those around me. I’m so happy that I realized that “not this time” didn’t necessarily mean “never”.
I’m so happy I didn’t give up on this dream.
I’m so happy to be able to announce that I will be representing Canada in women’s triple jump at the 2015 Pan Am Games and that indeed – all the dark times up until this point has most definitely been for a reason.
I didn’t do this alone. This feat would not have been possible without the belief and encouragement of my coaches, family, friends, boyfriend, teammates, school, community, hometown, and even some complete strangers. This still feels so surreal and I simply cannot express the gratitude that I feel right now to have finally arrived at the moment I have been dreaming of for so long.
As much as this post is a long-anticipated announcement, it’s also a plea. A plea to anyone reading this who has been considering giving up on their own dream – whatever that dream may be. One of my favourite quotes is, “Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” You have no idea how close you are to your breakthrough, so please – just keep swinging!
Thanks everyone for the love and support! This was a team effort.